


Shut Up and Dance

by Deansbaby11283



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Angst, Drugs, F/F, M/M, Self-Hatred, Song Based, blame and guilt, did i mention drugs?
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-03-16
Updated: 2015-05-26
Packaged: 2018-03-18 03:05:03
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 9
Words: 10,110
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3553718
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Deansbaby11283/pseuds/Deansbaby11283
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Castiel is new to town, he's dorky, and shy but a punk on the outside what begins as a harmless love affair transpires to a love like no other. Highschool AU inspired by Shut Up and Dance by Walk the Moon</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. The Move

**Author's Note:**

> I know I need to work on The Things We See but i can't help it I needed to get this out! I will be working on this one Monday and Wednesday The Things We See Tuesday and Thursday and posting both any day between Friday- Sunday

Shut Up and Dance   
Castiel pulled the U-Haul truck up to his new apartment and sighed heavily, he shut the truck off and got out of the cab. “Might as well get this over with”. He thought, he began to unload boxes and carry them up to the door it was right about then that he wished he had taken his parents up on the offer of helping him move out, he was only 17 really and he shouldn’t even be doing this at all but after his parents had kicked Gabriel out for being Gay, he knew it was only a matter of time before his parents did the same with their “rebel” son so he left before his parents had the chance to kick him on the street.   
Castiel set the last box down in his apartment, it was as hot in here as it was outside so he walked over to the AC and turned it on. All he needed to do was unload his furniture which wasn’t much the usual bed, nightstands, desk and chair, and a coach. Taking one more look around his apartment he sighed and began the tedious task of moving his heavy furniture inside his cooling house.   
Dean drove around Sioux Falls like he always did on Saturdays blaring ACDC and drumming his fingers on the wheel, he passed Shady Pine apartments and noticed a guy wearing a band t-shirt and skinny jeans trying to move a king sized bed by himself in 110 degree weather, Dean felt bad for him and made the decision to help the dude out, he pulled his baby into the parking spot next to him and hopped out of the car.   
“Hey dude, need some help with that?” Dean asked him, the guy turned around and Dean froze, this guy was freaking beautiful, he had the bluest eyes Dean had ever seen and the most pink lips he’s ever seen, all Dean could think of was making those lips pinker by kissing the shit out of him. Wait, where did that come from? Dean was not a guy lover at least he didn’t think so.   
“Yeah, uh thanks”. The guy said back and damn his voice was even sexier than his body, Dean shook those thoughts from his head and grabbed one end of the mattress and pulled while the other guy pushed finally they got it in the room and on the frame. Dean wiped his hands on his pants looking up at the guy and smiling.   
“You know it’s a horrible day to move right? Its sweltering out there”. Dean told him with a smirk.   
“Yeah I uh can tell”. The guy wasn’t looking at Dean and Dean realized he was probably really shy and Dean wasn’t helping with his teasing.   
“Well I’m Dean and if your new in town that means you don’t know about the Roadhouse, it’s a good place to eat and I’m not just saying that cause I live there, Ellen’s pretty awesome and if you come by tonight to eat dinner or whatever I can cover you just as a welcome to the neighborhood thing”. Dean said rubbing the back of his neck.   
The other guy smiled just a little and nodded “I’m Castiel and uh yeah that sounds nice thanks again”.   
“Castiel? That’s a mouthful! How about Cas? I give all my friends a nickname”. Dean said with a smile.   
Castiel looked up at Dean into his eyes for the first time since meeting him. “I’ve never had a nickname thank you”. He said softly a small smile on his face, Dean looked at this awkward punky kid and knew his life would change forever. He was dorky but Dean knew this kid was more than meets the eye.


	2. Flash

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Castiel is looking for his brother, Sam and Ruby are looking for some white stuff, and Gabriel just wants to sleep

Castiel drove his new car around still searching the area for his brother, after his parents kicked Gabriel out he had only a few texts with his favorite brother telling him he was moving to South Dakota. After passing the “you’re leaving Sioux Falls” sign for the sixth time Castiel banged his hands on the steering wheel and drove back to his apartment, he gave up he had no idea where Gabriel had gone and he wasn’t going to just sit here and hope he would find him. He decided to do some shopping for school and pulled into a Wal-Mart.   
Sam and his girlfriend of four months walked hand in hand down the alleyway Sam shook with want and he clasped his sweaty hand around Ruby’s tighter, she looked over and smiled at him, the same want refelected back at him in her eyes.   
Finally, the met the dealer standing against the alley wall with a smug smile on his face, he was pudgy and annoying Sam knew from meeting him before that he was british and snarky but you didn’t want to mess with him because he was also a sneaky worm.   
“Ah my two favorite people, Ruby my dear you still owe me money from last time, do you have it?” Crowley asked her through his teeth.   
“I don’t but I can get it today we just really need some”. Ruby’s voice shook and Sam clenched tighter around her hand.   
“That’s not going to do sweetheart give me the money or I’ll break lover boy’s knee caps and we both know I will”. Crowley stepped closer to them and they both backed away from him slowly.   
“Just give us the stuff Crowley”. Ruby said her voice sounding slightly stronger but still shaky. Crowley grabbed Ruby’s arm and threw her into the wall nearest him, Ruby crumpled and Crowley punched Sam in the stomach making him fall to his knees and onto the ground, he kicked him in the side until he was done and straightened his suit stepping over Sam and walking to the exit of the alley he turned back to them and smiled.   
“I expect the money tomorrow at noon at which time Ruby here will blow me and you guys can get your drugs and then we will be peachy”. Crowley wiped his hands on his hankerchief and left.   
Before Sam could ask Ruby any questions or even say anything she got up and ran down the other side of the alley leaving Sam coughing up blood and holding his ribs.   
He didn’t know how long he laid there but it was long enough that the heat started to get to him, he thought for sure he was going to die right there in an alley and leave Dean all alone, he would blame himself for Sam’s addiction of course and his death espically because Dean was the one that set him up with Ruby more or less, she was at one of his parities so in his mind Dean was the reason he knew Ruby.   
“Hey dude are you okay?” A voice asked him all Sam could do was groan and he heard the sound of footsteps running up the pavement and then fingers touching his neck. “hey what happened?” The voice asked and Sam cleared his throat attempting to speak.   
“I got jumped”. Sam said slowly and through his teeth it hurt to speak, to breath and Sam knew that his ribs were either cracked or broken.   
“No shit Sherlock, come one let’s talk you’re kind of sitting in my house”. The man said Sam looked around, he was still in the alley, meaning this guy was homeless, Sam felt bad for getting blood all over everything and tried to apologize the other man just shushed him and brought out some bandage from his bag.   
They sat together until Sam was all taped up and good to walk. “Hey uh thanks I’m Sam by the way”. Sam told the shorter man.   
“No problem at all couldn’t let you bleed out could I? My cozy shack would be turned into a crime scene and then I would have to find a new place to stay”. The man took out a lollipop and smirk as he put it in his mouth “I’m Gabriel it’s nice to meet you Sam”. Gabriel said. Sam made a decision then, this guy had just helped him out and it wasn’t just because he didn’t want to find a new place to stay he geniuly cared so Sam made the decision to care back.   
“Hey I know it’s a little weird but it’s really hot out here, why don’t you come crash at my place? I live with my brother and his friend and we have an open door policy espically after someone saves our lives”. Sam said with a smile, the other guy nodded and smiled.   
“Thank you I would love to stay with you”. Gabriel and Sam walked out of the alley together with smiles on their faces, it wasn’t until Sam got home and settled did Sam realize, the shakes were gone, he completely forgot about the Flash*.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> * Flash= Inject able Cocaine


	3. Story Time

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> We find out a little more about Sam and Gabriel and Castiel meets the crew

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> WARNING!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! DO NOT READ IF YOU ARE EASILY TRIGGERED MENTIONS OF DRUG USE AND SADNESS EVERYWHERE IF YOU ARE IN RECOVERY PLEASE DON'T READ THIS BUT IF YOU DO AND GET TRIGGERED PLEASE CALL YOUR SPONSOR OR GO TO A MEETING STAY STRONG LOVELIES

Summer break was over, and it was time to get to buissness, that meant Sam and Dean went shopping, not like Dean would be doing much school, but he knew Sam could do it. Sam and Dean were fighting again though, and Sam just really wanted to shoot up again, which was making his nervous on edge which in turn made the argument that much worse.   
“Sam you just met this guy, and I come home and not is he sleeping on the couch but your wincing, and I find out you got your ass kicked and that guy saved your life so you invite back to the house? What do you know about him?” Dean asked his brother again, Sam just huffed and crossed his arms giving Dean BitchFace #43.   
“His name is Gabriel, he used to live in Illinois, and he has no place to stay I know enough Dean”. Sam told him, Dean just shook his head and pulled into the store, getting some school supplies and clothes for Sam and then leaving. They headed back home, Dean to talk to Gabriel and see if he was safe around his baby brother and Sam to call Ruby and try to get some Boy*.   
The next week, Sam and Dean got in the Impala and drove to school, Ruby in the back seat and Dean glaring at her, he didn’t know why but Dean didn’t like Ruby at all, and he thought Sam was to good for her, but after the accident seeing Sam smiling and dating again was always nice.   
“Hey Winchester!” His bestfriend Jo Harvelle called, Dean turned around and smiled at her, she walked with the rest of their friends, to others Dean knew it had to look weird their friends had barely anything in common but they were like family espically Jo her and her mother Jo not only offered Dean shelter but Ellen was kind of like his foster mother the rest of their friends included Ash, Jo’s boyfriend and the smartest guy in the school, he could hack into anything in a matter of mintues. Charlie, was Ash’s best friend probably only for the fact she could rival his hacking abilities her and Jo had a fling a couple Summer’s ago and then Jo realized she wasn’t into girls. Jo, the captain of the swim team all legs and sassy attidude if Dean didn’t think of her as nothing but a sister he would’ve already tapped that. “I didn’t see you eat breakfast today, also who is that guy sleeping on the futon in your guys room?” Jo asked him a smile on her face, the cool thing about Ellen’s bar and grill was not just the fact that he had a bar right under his feet, although that was a plus it was also that the upstairs was basically another house it had a living room and separate rooms just no kitchen.   
“Hey Harvelle, you didn’t see me at breakfast because I didn’t eat it, Sam and ruby had to get here early something about some club they joined had a meeting or something I don’t know, and the guy on our futon is Gabriel, a guy that helped Sam after he got jumped in an alley and he didn’t have a place to stay so he offered him the futon”. Dean rubbed the back of his neck and shook his head. Jo chuckled and they all walked to class, Jo had English but Dean had Chemistry so he parted ways with her and sat in his desk leaning all the way back and smirking at the teacher it was a good class he guessed he got to flirt with Lisa Braeden the cheer captain and Dean made it his mission to get in her pants before the end of the month.   
In English Jo noticed they had a new kid, he was cute in that little brother way and Jo made a decision to sit with him. “Hey, I’m Jo”. She said with a smile and a wink.   
The kid blushed and looked over at her a little “Um, I’m Castiel I just moved here from Illinois”. He told her, she smiled brightly at him and chuckled a little.   
“So, because your new I’m just going to assume you don’t have many friends here?” Jo asked him getting her stuff out from her backpack, Castiel just shook his head, “Good, you can sit with me and my friends just a word of warning though, we are a little weird”. Jo smiled.  
“That’s alright I like weird and thank you Jo that’s really nice of you”. Castiel told her with a warm smile. She shrugged and turned to the teacher for the rest of the day Castiel couldn’t help but smile.   
“Man, this year sucks, the new nutrition plan has gotten rid of all the good stuff I mean what is this?” Dean said motioning to the vending machine full of diet pop.   
“Its wrong is what it is, thanks Obama”. Garth said with a punch to the machine, Dean just sighed and walked away while shaking his head, Garth and Ash followed to get their lunch which caused more complaints.   
“Hey baby who is this?” Ash said while kissing the top of Jo’s head, before Jo could even say a word, Dean sat down and smiled.   
“Hey Cas, didn’t think you were in school anymore, you looked older”. Dean said with a friendly punch, Castiel’s face brightened at seeing Dean and he visibly relaxed, it was silly though he had only met Dean once and already he was making an impression?   
“Hello Dean, I am only seventeen I just don’t live with my parents”. Castiel said glaring at his plate with disgust.   
“You guys know each other?” Jo asked with her eyes narrowed   
“I was driving around town and saw him trying to move in to his upstairs apartment by himself thought I’d lend a hand, why jealous Harvelle?” Dean asked her, she stuck her tongue out at him and went back to her food.   
“Hey I almost forgot, my mom invited us all down to the Roadhouse for a celebration and Cas you’re invited”. Jo told him with a smile, Ash leaned in and whispered something in her ear that made her laugh and swat at him.   
“Ok this food tastes like shit seriously they expect us to eat this?” Garth said slamming his fork down with clear anger.   
“I’m with you man I mean does this look like a biscuit to you? Are biscuits supposed to make this sound when you hit them on the table?” Ash took his dark brown biscuit and slammed it on the table it made a sound simlair to a rock being dropped and everyone made a disgusted face and pushed their trays away.   
“How about everyone comes with me and Dean home and we can eat some normal food after class? We only have two left we can survive”. Jo said everyone agreed but Castiel looked a little upset, soon after Jo had to go to get changed a ready for swimming and Garth, and Ash needed to meet Charlie at the computer lab and that left Dean and Castiel alone together.   
“Hey Cas are you alright? You looked a little upset earlier”. Dean asked when they were walking to class.   
“Uh I just, my car broke down and I can’t afford to get it fixed so I was just thinking about walking to the Roadhouse”. Castiel said looking at his feet.   
“OK first of all, I work on cars for a living dude, and second you can catch a ride with me and Sam no way are you walking in this heat”. Dean said Castiel nodded and thanked him and they both walked into history together.   
Dean hated this class, without Cas this would be the most boring class ever and all Dean wanted to do was strangle the teacher. Finally the last two classes ended and Castiel, Dean, Sam, and Ruby all walked out together piling into Dean’s car and driving to the Roadhouse.   
“This is a very nice car Dean, an Impala right?” Castiel asked from the front seat, after Sam insisted he wanted to sit with his girlfriend.   
“Yeah she is, ’67 Chevy Impala my baby”. Dean smiled at Castiel, his face the brightest since they met.   
“It shows”. Castiel told him, Ruby rolled her eyes and went back to trying to get Sam to focus, they were both spun off their asses but had to keep cool if Dean found out they’d both be dead. The car got extrememly silent when they passed the cemetery and Dean looked in the rearview mirror to make sure his brother was ok before speeding passed it and pulling into the Roadhouse parking lot.   
They stayed in the bar mostly getting hamburgers and Dean sneaking beers when Ellen wasn’t looking.   
“Is there anything I can do Ellen I don’t want to be a mooch”. A voice said from the hallway and Castiel froze his smile fading and he put his burger down, got off the stool and walked toward it. There he was, Gabriel, his big brother he had been looking for since he got here. “Cassie? The Hell are you doing here?” Gabe asked obvsiboulsy upset.   
“I moved out of Illinois after Mother and Father kicked you out, my plan was to find you and we could live together”. Castiel said looking back at Dean who got up and walked toward him.   
“You know him? Sam said he was sleeping in an alley and he had helped him when he got jumped”. Dean told him, Castiel looked over at him and crossed his arms.   
“He’s my brother, and you were homeless? Gabriel! You text me that you were here and had a place and were fine!” Gabriel looked down at his feet.   
“Come on, if your Cas’ brother then you are more then welcome to come eat with us”. Jo grabbed Gabriel’s arm and pulled him into the bar.   
The rest of the night passed without a problem, they closed the place down and then Jo and Ash left to go make out, Garth and Charlie stayed huddled in a booth and Sam and Ruby had left when they got in saying they weren’t hungry, soon Gabriel followed.   
That’s when Gabriel found out a lot about Sam Winchester, he had a needle on the floor and Ruby was flicking her lighter around a pillowcase, she was whispering something to Sam that was making him really upset whatever it was and he grabbed her a threw her away from him yelling at her to leave and never come back.   
“Sam?” Gabriel said Sam looked up and then freaked out trying to hid the needles and the bags of white powder. “Hey its ok I’m not going to get your brother why don’t we talk, can we talk?” Gabriel asked approaching Sam like he was a wounded animal, Sam nodded.   
“Ok well, I had the same problem as you a few years ago I’m Gay and I knew my parents would flip so I did drugs drank and was an all around bad person but my parents found out anyway and kicked me out and here I am”. Gabriel brushed his fingers through Sam’s hair gingerly, Sam leant into his touch and sighed. “So I told you why I ruined my life why don’t you tell me why you did?” Gabriel asked and Sam tensed but relaxed a little.   
“I was fourteen it was only last year, I stole my Dad’s stash of booze and his car now its Dean’s, I was with this amazing girl her name was Jess she was my entire world, blonde and nice and amazing, we were at the cememtery were my mom is buried and we were drinking it was my mom’s birthday and while my brother and my Dad like to pretend that she didn’t exist for themselves I celebrated it, and this year I brought Jess, we laughed and then when it started snowing I knew the roads can get really bad here but I was drunk I wasn’t thinking, little did any of us know but my Dad was there watching us I guess I don’t really know, we got in the car and were driving back home, my Dad got in the road tried to stop us I swerved and thought I didn’t hit him but I did and he hit that metal thing and broke his neck, he died on impact but the ice was really bad too my swerve made the car slip and Jess wasn’t wearing her seat belt the car hit a tree and Jess flew out the window, she died in the hospital”. Sam finished his story and put his head in his hands.   
Gabriel was stunned, he had to blame himself, Sam blamed himself for his girlfriend’s death and for his father’s death he grabbed Sam and hugged him close, Sam buried his face in Gabriel’s shoulder and sobbed they both clutched at each other. “Hey listen to me Sammy, that wasn’t your fault none of that was your fault sometimes things like that just happen its gonna be ok”. Gabriel told him and Sam just cried harder, they fell asleep like that Gabriel holding Sam and when Gabriel woke up Dean still wasn’t back so he carefully moved Sam, gathered the bag of white powder and the needles and threw them away.   
That was when Gabriel made Sam a promise, he was going to stick around, he was going to be there, and he was going to help Sam get clean, and get away from Ruby no matter what it took.


	4. Revelations

After that day Castiel spent a lot of time at the Roadhouse, helping Dean study and hanging out with his brother, but today was different for months Dean drank himself to sleep, and every morning Dean didn’t feel a hangover, well he did but as soon as his eyes landed on Castiel every ounce of headache he got vanished in seconds, his eyes were so blue!   
But tonight, tonight was the night, well not like that but everyone was going to a bar upstate and they all brimmed with excitement, Dean espically was in a great mood, since the first day of school he didn’t see Ruby around the house anymore and that in itself was a miracle that Dean was grateful for, soon they all piled into the car and drove to the bar all of them singing to the radio and laughing. Castiel was slowly coming out of his shell and he loved it, he had real friends here, friends who didn’t try to change him, they listened to the music he liked, and while Dean made comments about the ones who screamed, actually ended up liking some of the other ones Castiel had showed him, they all liked how he dressed tight pants and band tees and most importantly no one cared that he liked guys and girls, Castiel felt welcome in this little group of people.   
When they arrived they all did a shot of some liqud Castiel had no idea what it was, and yeah to others it would’ve seemed reckless but around this group Castiel trusted everyone even Jo who through out the night kept threatening to spike his drink if he didn’t go dance. So after about four beers and countless shots he joined Dean on the dance floor, grasping his waist he whispered to Dean “Don’t you dare look back”. The shouts from their friends growing louder and louder as they got closer and closer.   
After a few times the acoloh began to wear off and Castiel began to feel nervous at dancing with Dean, Dean must’ve felt his nervousness and looked into his eyes. “Just keep your eyes on me”. Dean told him with a small smile. A few more times dancing and Castiel’s dancing got more fridgid and icy. “You’re holding back”. Dean said with a laugh.   
“Shut Up and Dance with me!” Castiel replied angrily, they both stared into each others eyes and Dean began to think, which in his case is never a good thing, usually ends with a big freak out and someone or something getting hit, but still he kept thinking about the way Cas’ hands felt around his waist, and how close the both were to each other. How close they could get to each other, how much Dean wanted to spend his life with Cas.   
“Cas, I need to tell you something”. Dean told his friend, Cas nodded and motioned for Dean to keep talking which he did “There’s people, feelings, that I want to experience differently then I have before, or maybe even for the first time”. Dean said looking at his feet.   
Castiel was shocked, was Dean admitting what Castiel thought he was admitting? No he pushed those thoughts away from him and focused on Dean and what he was implying. “What are you saying Dean?”   
Dean thought for a moment, and replied with a smile “How is it that I’m just driving aimlessly, just thinking and I find you? Or that Jo would befriend you in English? Or that Sam would meet Gabriel? Your my destiny Cas everything has been leading me to you”. Dean sputtered out and Castiel blushed and looked at his beat up sneakers.   
Deep in Dean’s eyes Castiel can see his future, them graduating together following each other to school, moving in together, getting jobs, getting married, adopting kids, growing old and dying side by side. This was what they both needed, Castiel realized Dean was waiting on a response and he kissed Dean with everything he had in him, it was a few seconds before Dean kissed him back but when he did it was an explosion had happened, it took a few seconds for them to realize their friends were all cheering, smiling and yelling at them to get a room.   
That started the relationship between Castiel Novak and Dean Winchester. “We were bound to get together” Castiel whispered to Dean’s sleeping form every night with a smile.


	5. Going Back

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please pay attention to the warnings here!!!! Graphic drug use!!!! I don't do drugs myself and the only drug i've ever done is smoked pot once so this may not be very accurate all the things in this story are from my family members past experiences

Sam woke up again to the sound of his brother and best friend having sex, glancing at the clock he groaned, this was the second time this week that Dean and Castiel had woken him up with their activities, he loved that they were together really it was awesome but was it necessary to have sex at 3 a.m. every morning?   
Sam made his way to the Living Room, if he was up this early he might as well just stay up he would have to be up anyway for school, Gabriel was up to and Sam smiled at him making his way to the downstairs kitchen, Gabriel hot on his heels.   
“Morning Sam, Dean and Cas wake you up again?” Ellen asked when they both came downstairs.   
“Yeah, just like every morning this week I mean don’t get me wrong I love that their together but I can’t do this anymore I mean I’m not on-“ Sam stopped himself right on time, he had almost told Ellen that he had been on drugs. He had said to much though Ellen had caught it.   
“On what Sam?” She said slowly putting down the spatula. Sam panicked, his heart beat a million miles an hour he felt like he was going to die, now that he was thinking of the drugs that’s all he wanted and without even answering Ellen’s question or changing from his pajamas he raced out the door and down the street heading straight to the one person he knew would have what he needed.   
Sam stood on Ruby’s doorstep shaking like a leaf, he banged on the door knowing Ruby was up, when you were on crank you never really slept, Ruby opened the door about a minute later, when she saw who it was she lit up. “Did you finally come to your senses and realize you need me?” Ruby’s voice shook and she tightened her grip on the door.   
“Stop fooling around Ruby, i-I need it j-just let me in”. Sam said with a slight shake in his voice, Ruby smiled and moved to the side ushering Sam inside with a smile, she slapped his ass as he walked by and they both smiled at each other. They moved to the kitchen where the usual set up was needles were layed across the table, white bags next to them and bottles of water with lighters next to each other. Ruby’s sister Meg sat at the table already with Ruby’s friends Alaistair and Luc stood by the fridge Sam waved to everyone and sat at the table.   
He reached for a spoon and the white powder, putting the powder on the spoon and adding water he burnt the spoon until the powder was gone and the water was white but before he could suck it up in the needle Ruby stopped him.   
“How do I know you’re not just using me Sammy?” Ruby put her hand on his hand and lowered the spoon, he grimaced in all honesty, he was using Ruby he didn’t want to be back with her, not after she got lit and then made him think about that night, the night that Jess told Sam she was pregnant, the night he got drunk, the night his life changed forever. But he needed this, he needed the rush that came with it and if that meant pretending at least for right now that he needed Ruby then so be it. He kissed her slow resisting the urge to throw up and she let him tie off his arm and push the needle into his vein, the familiar rollercoaster rush came in second and he was floating but it wasn’t enough he had been without so long that he needed more.   
He repeated the process and the rush was doubled, he felt like he was flying it wasn’t until he hit the floor that he realized he wasn’t flying he was falling, but it all felt the same like magic and he never wanted to give it up. His vision went black the last thought that went through his mind was if this is what dying felt like then so be it and maybe he would see Jess and his Mom and his Dad again maybe he could explain that he never meant to hurt anyone.   
Dean lay next to the man of his dreams, blissfully unaware of the disaster that was happening just across town, Cas was snoring right next to him and he loved it, waking up every morning next to this beautiful man was amazing. Cas suddenly shifted and then his beautiful blue eyes were on him and Dean smiled.   
“Hey baby good morning”. Dean said , Cas just smiled and kissed his cheek getting up from bed and going to his drawer getting clothes and getting dressed. “Ah come on Cas can’t we stay home today we both deserve it we were working up a sweat last night”. Dean teased, Castiel looked over at him and rolled his eyes.   
“Yes Dean we need to go you convinced me to skip yesterday but not today now get up”. Castiel said with a smile throwing a pair of underwear at Dean who groaned but got dressed none the less.   
They both went downstairs to get breakfast to find both Gabriel and Sam gone from the house, Dean shrugged thinking that maybe Gabe took Sam somewhere not knowing that his brother was potentially dying.   
That was until his phone rang, the caller ID said that it was Gabriel raising a brow he answered cheerfully.   
“Hello” Dean said with a smile, that smile soon fell when Gabe said those 8 words that changed everything.   
“Sam was admitted to the hospital, he overdosed”.


	6. For Love and Other Stupid Things

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi guys! Sorry if this chapter is fast but I really wanted to speed things along and hopefully all the stuff in here is as factial as possible! Just remember I've never done these kind of drugs so I only know what Google says and what my family members have told me when I asked so if there is something that is wrong forgive it! Tell me what you think!!

Dean broke every speeding law in the books as he sped off toward the hospital, Castiel was right by his side every step of the way even as Dean yelled at the nurse who told him that he needed to wait in the waiting room that Sam was being taken care of. Castiel got Dean to remain calm and to sit and wait but it was hard, Gabriel came in soon after that and he looked like Dean felt, his eyes were red and puffy, there were tear streaks on his face and he kept ringing his hands. Dean stood up when he saw him, and got in his face.   
“What were you doing with my brother that made him end up in the fucking hospital Gabriel”. Dean asked angrily his hands shook and he kept clenching his fists.   
“I didn’t do anything Dean, this morning Sam and I went down for breakfast with Ellen and he slipped him, he got this weird look in his eyes and then suddenly ran out the door, I followed him and he ended up at Ruby’s, she left the door open I went inside and saw blow all over the table and Sam was on the ground, convulsing and frothing at the mouth I called an ambulance and then I called you”. Gabriel’s voice shook as he recounted the events to Dean.   
Dean grabbed Gabriel and just when Castiel thought that he would hit him, he wrapped his arms around him and hugged him tightly “Thank you for saving my brother”. Dean said quietly. Gabriel hugged him back and after a few short seconds they let each other go. It was a few more hours until they were allowed back to see Sam and even then he wasn’t awake, the only thing that told Dean his brother was still alive was the beeping of the heart machine next to him.   
“How did this happen? Sammy I thought you were fine damn it how could I not see you were doing drugs?” Dean said sitting in a chair by Sam’s side and holding his hand.   
“I should’ve told you, when I found out but Sam said he wouldn’t do it anymore, I believed him, I was so stupid I should’ve known how hard it was to quit and now look at him if he doesn’t wake Dean feel free to kill me because death would be the only option”. Gabriel broke down in tears and Dean stood up with caution in his movements.   
“Gabe, why are you so upset about this? I’m not mad at you!” Dean said crossing his arms over his chest.   
Gabriel shook his head and left the room throwing Castiel a quick “Call me when he wakes up” and running out the door leaving a confused Cas and Dean behind.   
(Time break it is now 5 at night)  
After calling Ellen and Jo Dean and Castiel called the school to tell them of the situation they were dealing with, Ellen brought food and Jo brought her personality, making Dean laugh which was something Castiel was grateful for, after another hour a cough made everyone stop talking and turn to the hospital bed Sam was blinking and looked pained he groaned.   
“Dean? What the hell happened?” Sam asked and then seeing who was around he froze and looked panicked the heart monitor beeped rapidly and Dean must’ve realized what Sam was thinking back to and he rushed over to his brother.   
“Hey, Sammy its okay you’re gonna be okay, you OD’d do you remember anything?” Dean asked he was on one side and Ellen was on the other both holding his hands.   
“Not really I remember you and Cas woke me up, and I went downstairs to have breakfast with Ellen and then everything is kind of a blur, but now I hurt everywhere and my head feels like its on fire”. Sam winced and Castiel went to call a doctor.   
“You took too much blow, I don’t know what happened”. Dean said, a doctor walked in and smiled at the family gathered in the small room.   
“Hello, Sam I’m Dr. Hinder but you can call me Balthazar, do you remember anything about before you blacked out?” Dr. Hinder asked Sam shook his head and the doctor continued talking. “You suffered from a seizure, a heart attack and you have a mild concussion from when you hit the ground, it was a good thing your friend brought you in a second longer and you would have had brain damage”. Sam looked to Dean expecting it to be him that brought him in but Dean shook his head mouthed “Later”. The doctor continued his speech to Sam “We found traces of Cocaine and heroin in your blood”. The doctor concluded Sam sat up a little and looked to Dean with wide eyes.   
“I don’t do heroin Dean I swear it was only cocaine Ruby must’ve spiked it or something”. Sam was frantic begging Dean with his eyes to believe him, DDean nodded patting his brother’s arm.   
After saying that Sam would have to stay another night at least the doctor left and Castiel went outside to call his brother.   
“Hey, Gabe, he’s awake he’s fine, it was just a seizure, heart attack and a mild concussion the doctor expects him to make a full recovery he said if it was a second later he would’ve had brain damage you saved him Gabe”. Castiel told his brother who sighed in relief.   
Thank God, is he mad?” Gabriel asked and Castiel knew he was talking about Dean this time not Sam.   
“Not that I can tell, just confused as to why you ran out, Gabe be honest with me why are you freaking out so much?” Castiel asked his brother confusion and worry evident in his voice.   
“Cassie, I’m scared, I love him”. Gabriel said and Castiel felt his own heart shatter for his brother, and the love Gabriel had with his Sam Winchester even though not only the age gap, but the fact that Sam was broken and straight.   
“We’ll figure it out Gabe”. We always figure it out, Castiel thought.   
(Another time hop this time it’s a day later)   
“Dean I can walk on my own”. Sam complained for the second time since leaving the hospital. Dean was like a helicopter every time Sam winced Dean was right there supporting his brother the best he could.   
“Sorry Sammy, I just worry about you, oh shit I got to get your medicine!” Dean announced.   
“Don’t worry about it I’ll go get it Dean”. Castiel said it was raining outside but Castiel trusted Dean’s baby to get him there in one piece.   
“Thank you baby”. Dean said in relief he kissed Castiel on the cheek and handed over his keys. Sam stared in shock that Dean just handed over the Impala to a stranger.   
Castiel got Sam’s meds without incident and handed them off to Dean with a smile. They all settled in to the Living Room watching movies and making fun of Dean’s crush on Tori Spelling.   
“Hey where’s Gabe? I haven’t gotten a chance to thank him”. Sam said with a smile.   
“Uh Sam, I really don’t want to tell you this cause he’s my brother and he told me a secret but I think you need to talk to him, he’s in love with you and he’s freaking out about it, he hasn’t answered his phone since last night and he obviously isn’t here”. Castiel told Sam relunctily hanging his head in shame for spilling the secret.   
“He thinks I don’t like him back doesn’t he?” Sam asked meekly.   
Castiel nodded his head and looked at Sam with a question that was very obvious. “Well that’s stupid he never talked to me! I confided in him of course I love him!” Sam said standing up and reaching for Dean’s phone he handed it to him without question and Sam stormed off to him room with a huff and mumbling about how guys were just as annoying as girls.


	7. Lies, and Family go Hand in Hand

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter man.....this chapter....that's all I'm saying shit is getting real right now

“Damn it Gabriel Novak you better answer your phone when I call or I will beat you to death”. Sam threatened to Gabriel’s voice mail for the fifth time. Castiel came in the room with a small smile and handed him his phone.   
“Call him from mine, and if you press the star it makes it an emergency”. Castiel told him with a wink. Sam called and Gabriel answered on the first ring.   
“Little brother! You know that Dean has been calling me, did you spill the beans Cassie?” Gabriel slurred on the end line and Sam wanted to strangle him already, in the most loving of ways of course.   
“Its not Cas, Gabe its Sam, you haven’t been around I wanted to thank you for saving my life”. Sam told him carefully not mentioning his feelings just right now.   
“Sammy! I’m glad your feeling better and of course I saved you, couldn’t just leave you there could I?” Gabriel acted as though nothing was wrong, but Sam could read between the lines, he could tell that something was up with him.   
“Gabe, I know why you did it”. Sam finally told him, his voice shook slightly, and silence was heard over the line, both men holding their breath hearts beating like jackhammers, neither spoke, then the silence was pierced with a shrill beep on Sam’s end letting Sam know he’d been hung up on, he screamed and punch the wall sending paint flakes to the ground and sending a sharp pain into his knuckles.   
“What the Hell?” Dean yelled as he walked into the room, he saw Sam on the floor knees to his chest and head hanging low focusing his breathing on not lashing out. Dean got on the floor next to him with a groan. “What happened Sammy?” Dean asked his younger brother.   
“I called Gabriel, and told him what Cas told me, he was drunk or high or something I don’t know, and then it was just silent but he hung up on me, I punched a wall to avoid punching someone else”. Sam said through clenched teeth, there was a tap on the door and Dean yelled for whoever it was to go away and turned his attention back to his brother. The door opened anyway and standing there in all his annoying drunkness was Gabriel, he was soaked and shivering and Sam jumped up making Dean, who was leaning against him, to fall which earned Sam a shout of anger.   
Sam wasn’t paying attention though he was too busy making out with Gabriel to which Dean made a face and walked out of the room into the Living Room smiling at Cas who had fallen asleep, he picked up his lover and walked to his room leaving his brother and Gabriel to do whatever the hell it was they were going to do.   
In Sam’s room the two men kissed like their lives depended on it, it was passionate and desperate and when they finally broke apart, neither spoke for a long stretch of time and when they did they both spoke at the same time before laughing at each other.   
“Go ahead Gabe”. Sam told them shorter man who smiled and nodded.   
“I am so sorry Sam, I should’ve ran after you faster I was stupid”. Gabriel told Sam, Sam glared at him and shook his head.   
“You have nothing to apologize for Gabe! If it wasn’t for you I wouldn’t be here!” Sam said and Gabriel smiled at him before sighing deepily.   
“There is something I didn’t tell your brother, when I got there, there was a note, when I got there, the only one in the room was Meg, and she was passed out, but on the table was a note saying that you were sorry for killing Jess and your Dad and that Dean could be happy now, I just need to know, did you write it?” Gabriel’s voice broke on the last few words and tears ran freeily down his cheeks.   
“No! What? I never wrote a note”. Then the truth sank into Sam’s mind, why Ruby had always goaded him into taking drugs, why she brought him with her to Crowley, why she let him back with her so easily. “Ruby has been trying to kill me since day one”. Sam breathed.   
“What> Sam maybe we should think first why would Ruby want to kill you?” Gabriel said still trying to remain level headed.   
“I can’t believe I forgot before, I had my head wrapped so tightly around drugs and forgetting Jess that I forgot about her family, Gabe, Jess always mentioned her half-sister, Gabe, I’m an idiot, Ruby was Jess’ half-sister”.


	8. Revenge Plans

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sort of smutiness

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Happy Destiel day loves!!!! IN other news I am now a senior in Highschool and am so excited to see what the world brings me!!!! My life is taking a sort of downward spiral but I can roll with the punches just if there's ever a time when I don't write for a while don't worry I will it will just take a while thank you for your understanding y'all are the best!

Gabriel brought Sam a glass of water and Sam smiled at him as he grabbed it, he took a big drink and sighed in relief.   
“So how could you not realize Ruby was Jess’ half-sister didn’t you realize when you seen her parents?” Gabriel asked, sitting in front of Sam. Sam shook his head and took another drink, when he finished he collected his thoughts.   
“I never seen Ruby’s parents, well I guess I kind of did when I met Jess’ huh? Ruby had her own place with Meg, her full sister, they both worked for Crowley and in return Crowley paid Ruby and Meg’s rent, I can’t believe I was this stupid, wait does Ruby know that you saved me?” Sam asked with wide eyes.   
“Nah, I don’t think so at least, because you’re under 18 then it won’t be in the papers without Dean’s permission, and everyone but Meg, who was passed out, was gone I searched the whole house after I found that note looking for someone who could answer why you left it”. Gabriel told him Sam nodded and smiled hugely.   
“I have an idea; I want to make her pay”. Sam said standing up and setting his glass on the table and running out the room, Gabriel followed after him with a confused look in his eyes.   
Sam knocked loudly at Dean’s door, and after a while Dean came out looking deshevled and fixing his clothes. “Hey get dressed and get Cas, I have an idea”. Dean looked almost as confused as Gabriel but did what his brother asked him.   
Everyone gathered downstairs and listened to Sam’s story of how Ruby was related to Jess and how Ruby wanted to kill Sam since the first day they met. “Ruby and Jess were really close, when Ruby was sent to Boarding School Jess was devastated, but she understood, Jess’ mom never really liked Ruby because Jess and Ruby’s dad had an affair with Jess’ Mom’s best friend to have Ruby, they divorced soon after Jess died and left Ruby alone to raise her little sister Meg”. Sam told them.   
“I was going to kill her, for getting you into drugs but now? Now she is doubly dead”. Dean said angrily “I’m going to rip her freaking lungs out!” Dean yelled Cas was instantly calming him down and Sam marveled at them, no one, not even him, was able to calm down Dean, he was too hot headed but here was this guy who just stumbled into their lives and he turned everything around.   
“What is your plan Sam?” Cas asked after Dean was sort of calm, he smiled at Sam but behind his smile was anger, anger at Ruby and Sam didn’t understand how he could be angry, he loved Dean not Sam, he would have to talk to him later.   
“I want Ruby to pay, for everything, the drugs, the letting me overdose, making it look like an suicide , everything and Gabe told me that no one knows what happened at the hospital, for all we know Ruby thinks she succeed in killing me, so I say that we let her think that let her guard come down and then tell the cops what happened, I know who her dealer is, where she keeps the stash and all of her other contacts, including some human sex trafficking contections, we could bring her down, not without fucking with her of course”. Sam said with a wicked smile, that night they planned everything out how they would go to the police after they had their fun and how they would tell the cops everything.   
That night Gabriel and Sam stayed up all night, talking about their relationship, Sam being underage was a problem and Gabriel didn’t want to pursue anything and end up getting them both in trouble.   
“Gabe, the age of consent in South Dakota is 16 which is what I’ll be in less than three months, everything is fine Gabe”. Sam told him bringing his hands into Sam’s smiling at him.   
“Sammy, I don’t know you’re just starting to get better I don’t want to ruin that for you”. Gabriel told him, he loved Sam, he really did and he wanted this relationship to work but he didn’t want to hurt Sam’s chances at getting better.   
“I am fine and if I start feeling like I did with Ruby I’ll talk to you, but if you leave right now it’s going to devastate me”. Sam told Gabriel, Gabriel shrugged and realized he didn’t care about laws or health right now he loved Sam and he was going to do anything in his power to have him. Gabriel pulled Sam closer and crashed their lips together it was hot and possessive full of teeth and tonuges each fighting for dominace, a small moan slipped out of Sam’s mouth and Gabriel chuckled straddling Sam’s lap and finding he was already hard, he ground down and swallowed Sam’s moans.   
“Sam we gotta stop”. Gabriel broke away breathless and Sam blushed at him.   
“Sorry”. Sam told him, Gabriel chuckled and gave him a quick peck on the lips.   
“There’s nothing to be sorry for Sam, just think we should take things a little slower, just so we’re both comfortable okay?” Gabriel got up and held his hand out for Sam, who took it and got himself up as well.   
“Yeah, good idea”. Sam said with a smile.   
“Good, now I am going to go in the living room and sleep, no sneaking in a stealing my virtue got it Samsquatch?” Gabriel asked him with a shit eating grin, Sam rolled his eyes and punched him lightly on the shoulder. They both went to bed with smiles on their faces.


	9. Pay Back and Remembering

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dean gets some revenge and remembers how his Dad died .

Dean and Castiel walked hand in hand both thinking sad thoughts to keep their faces from showing what they actually felt which was not sadness, all of Dean’s friends were in on the plan to make Ruby pay for what she did, Dean had already spoken to the police at the time was wearing a wire.   
Garth came up to him his eyes brimming with fake tears and spoke “Dean I’m so sorry”. He said Dean nodded and pulled him into a hug, looking over his shoulder he noticed Ruby was standing there looking sad and an underlying smugness that Dean hated. Dean let go of Garth and walked to Ruby smiling sadly at her.   
“Can I speak with you?” Dean asked her she nodded solemnly and walked ahead of him, straight to the place that Sam said she would the back gazebo.   
“What is it?” She asked her voice full of anger.   
“I just want to know seeing as you’re the last person to see my brother alive, what happened? Was it an accident?” Dean asked, and really Dean thought he deserved an Oscar for this performance, maybe he’ll take up acting.   
“No Dean it wasn’t an accident “. Was all she said, she crossed her arms over her chest and sighed.   
“Well the tox-screen said that he had cocaine and herion in his blood stream, and Sammy didn’t do drugs”. Dean told her stepping a little closer.   
“Sam did do drugs Dean”. She said softly looking at her feet, she fidgeted slightly.   
“How did he get into them? How did I not recognize this?” Dean asked he pulled at his hair and rubbed over his face.   
“Dean, I can’t tell you how he got them but maybe you didn’t notice cause you were to focused on yourself”. Ruby told him, Dean’s gaze grew dark and suddenly all he wanted to do was stab her straight in the stomach to see the life bleed out of her, but he controlled himself, he clenched and unclenched his fists at his sides and breathed evenly.   
“Yeah uh maybe you are right, but Ruby I just need some answers about what happened to my brother”. Dean told her his voice quivering just slightly.   
“Fine, I was his dealer Dean, okay? I gave him drugs, and I was there when he OD and I wrote the suicide note and I put heroin in his dose, I wanted him dead and you know what? Now that he is, I couldn’t be happier”. Ruby said with smugness. Dean leaned toward and wrapped his hands around her neck they both fell back onto the hard ground Dean tightened his hold on her throat, before he got pulled off by Castiel and before the cops hauled Ruby away in handcuffs, Dean saw gratefulness in her eyes, rather it was gratefulness at Dean killing her or causing any sort of pain Dean didn’t care. The police brought Sam in for questioning after talking with Ellen to get her okay, they kept Sam in for a while and they questioned Dean seperatly asking him questions like “did he know that Sam was taking drugs?” To which he answered “Hell no!” and other questions.   
It was the other one that made Dean angry “What happened last winter?” after telling them the story of what happened to his Dad they asked more questions. “Did Sam purposely run down your Father? It says here in the report that Sam and your Dad had a fight before he left”.   
Dean wanted to hit something, he was going through the same shit they went through last winter “I already went through this with the other detective, no he didn’t do it on purpose this is about Ruby not Sam now how about you stupid mother fuckers do your damn job?” After that they left Dean alone and let Sam go.   
“You may be asked to testify at the trial if there is one but you’re free to go, just don’t go leaving town anytime soon”. The Detective smiled at gave a short nod before sending them on their way, it pissed Dean off the question they asked it was like they weren’t even worried about Ruby.   
They all went home, Cas decided he should sleep at his apartment, and give Dean sometime with his brother, but Sam had other plans, Gabe and him went out to dinner leaving Dean sitting at home alone, all the questions drug up old memories and reopened old wounds and now all Dean could think of is what happened to lead up to Sam’s accident with Jess and their Father. 

(1 year earlier December 5th, 2014)   
Dean sat in his room, playing “Hey Jude” silently while eating tomato and rice soup, the only way that he allowed himself to celebrate his Mother’s birthday, John was busy hitting the bottle and Sam had a girl over, his beautiful girlfriend Jess, who was way out of his league.   
“Hey I’m going to take Jess to Mom’s grave, do you want to come with us?” Sam asked him, Dean shook his head hard, spooning some of the soup into his mouth.   
Sam shook his head gravely and went into the living room, Dean knew what was coming next and he wished Sam had just left everyone to their own devices and stayed out of it. “Dad do you want to go to Mom’s grave with me and Jess, I thought I’d leave some flowers for her”. Sam’s voice shook and he stood in front of Jess protectectivly knowing that this could be a bad idea.   
“Why does she wanna see your Mother’s grave”. John asked with a hiccup, his words were slurred and he sounded threatening, Dean put his soup down and went into the living room in case Sam needed him, his Dad could get violent and he didn’t want to see Sammy get hurt.   
“I just thought that I’d introduce them and its Mom’s birthday, if you don’t want to go Dad you don’t have to”. Sam crossed his arms and stared John down.   
John took one final swig of his Jack Daniels and got up, his steps were staggering and John put his finger to Sam’s chest “Listen here boy, your Mother is dead, she ain’t got no more birthdays and she isn’t going to be meeting anyone except them angels if they even exist so stay away from her grave don’t be stupid, the roads are shit today anyone”. John staggered back in his room and slammed the door. In the way fights went it was defeitenly the most quietest and the least violent in the house in a while but it stung the most and Sam wasn’t having it.   
“You just had to poke the bear didn’t you Sam? You knew this what not the day to ask about Mom! God you don’t even remember her, so why are you always visiting her grave? Just leave it alone Sam”. Dean stormed off and slammed his door, but he didn’t grab the keys Sam noticed, and his Dad didn’t drink all the liquor Sam made a decision then and it was decision that changed his life. He grabbed the bottles of Jack Daniels and beer, handed them to Jess who smiled sadly at him as he grabbed the Impala’s keys.   
They drove in silence, and when they got to Mary’s grave, they sat in silence, no one cared that their butts were getting wet due to the snow, no one noticed that John was there, and no one cared that Sam was as drunk as John by the time they left.   
“Sam, you don’t look so good, maybe I should drive?” Jess asked him, her voice light as she tried to take the keys from him. Sam shook his head.   
“Nah, I’m fine and if I need to I’ll pull over trust me”. He put his arm around her and she sighed but got in the car anyway. Jess went to put her seatbelt and then shrugged, she wasn’t going to worry about it.   
It wasn’t long before John walked into the street, Sam turned the wheel and felt a small jar but didn’t think much of it, he slid and crashed into a tree Jess went flying with the impact, but Sam was still awake and as he watched the love of his life die, he also noticed his Father, his head was bent to the side, his mouth had a smudge of blood and he was looking to pale.   
When Sam woke up the next day in the hospital after passing out, he felt sick, he was told that he had to have his stomach pumped, that he had so much alchol in his system that it was a wonder he could even stand let alone drive.   
When Sam asked his brother about Jess and got a sad look, he knew and when he asked about his father, he knew even more, and that was the worst part of it, knowing that the life of two people who shouldn’t have died was taken, because you were so selfish. Sam knew then, it was all his fault.


End file.
